My room smells like vodka and shame
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
