Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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