Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
