Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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