Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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