The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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