and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
