Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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