I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
