I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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