Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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