I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
