real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
