Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
