You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
