dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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