# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
