What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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