Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
