You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
