How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
