Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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