And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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