Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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