Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
