if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
