wakey wakey hands off snakey
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
