dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
