never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
