Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
