I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
