I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
