just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
