Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
