Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
