dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
