we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
