Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
