Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
