I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
