One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i was born a porn star she said
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
