3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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