I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
