areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
