I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
