Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
