he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
