Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
