So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
