I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
