I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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