Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
