One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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